Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a beard to bite.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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