My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
