Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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