she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
