all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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