Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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