I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
