Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
