She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My dick has a subreddit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
