i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
