well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
