you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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