even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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