He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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