Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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