I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
