I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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