Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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