sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
