It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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