if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
do herpes really smell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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