and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
