Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
