We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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