it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
