plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
