No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
