you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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