Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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