he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
