I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
