I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
