i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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