You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize