the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
