A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
