I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
