What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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