i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
