i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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