She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
