Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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