i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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