You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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