definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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