my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
