how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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