Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
