This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize