When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
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The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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