I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
