hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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