My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
