We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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