im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
