Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
