He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
