Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
