I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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