Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
