So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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