Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
