I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
