Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
