I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize