I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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