so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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