whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
