so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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