AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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