The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
