Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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