someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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