The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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